How To Keep A Conversation Going With A Girl

How To Keep A Conversation Going With A Girl

By Vance Lau

Knowing how to have great conversations with a woman is attractive. In fact, many women often immediately write off a guy who can’t keep a conversation going. Here’s the kicker.

Often times, it’s the woman who is a bad conversationalist. They are the ones who have no flow and aren’t exciting or engaging in conversation.

But it doesn’t matter.

More often than not, they’ll put the blame on you. They’ll often offer no substance to the conversation and then go tell their friend how bad of a conversationalist you were.

But don’t worry, this article is about how to keep a conversation going with a girl.

The First Key To Mastering Conversations: The Art Of Threading

The most basic conversation technique is called threading. The idea is to use word associations to generate ideas or new “threads” for the conversation to go down.

For example, suppose I said “Christmas”. What would you think? You’d probably think something along the lines of “presents”, “dinner”, “fireplace”, or “family”. These are word associations.

Exercise 1:

1. Chocolate

2. Europe

2. Movie

Spend the next minute thinking up of as many topics related to those three words that you could talk about.

This is a skill you need to practice and develop. The ability to hear words and quickly associate a number of topics that you can go toward…preferably topics that you have some actual substance to talk about.

So this is the basic structure of a flowing conversation.

Ex. Person A says a sentence and inside the sentence are 3 topic words in it. Let’s say, chocolate, Europe, and movie. Related to these 3 topics are an additional however many topics. (Hint: your list from before)

So now you have 3 topics + the number of topics on your list to potentially talk about a.k.a. introduce a new conversational thread.

In the beginning, this whole process of using word association to find new conversation threads takes effort but eventually it’ll be automatic. Practice.

Does that make sense?

When you’re skilled at word associations and you really listen, having “things to talk about” suddenly becomes easy.

Just to get your mind jogging a little bit. Here are some key pointers for choosing topics to talk about.

Fun and Engaging Topics are what you are looking for:

-Topics you’re really interested in and you’re engaged in. If you can talk passionately about then it’s usually a good topic. Just don’t talk about your World of Wordcraft conquests or whatever. Remember you’re painting your image for a girl when you talk.

-Food

-Popular shows and movies

-Travel/places you want to go; it’s really powerful and engaging if you can paint the idea of going to some place exceptionally interesting. Ex. Instead of just saying I’d like to go to the West Coast (general), talk about how you’d like to go to the underwater hotel in Fiji (specific) and describe it in detail how it would be like according to what you read or better yet, what you’ve actually experienced.

-Where you see your future (if you’re ambitious; women love men who are progressive, pro-life, and ambitious – In fact since so few people are actually ambitious in life you’ll immediately set yourself apart if you truly are committed to chasing the dream i.e. becoming successful.)

Topics you should avoid are:

-Keep away from topics that are negative or inappropriate i.e. STDs, death, porn.

-You can talk about scary topics or things that make you fearful but don’t be negative. Nobody likes a complainer or a “victim” of life.

-Any self-deprecating (putting yourself down) topics.

Remember you’re learning to control conversations. Use your mind to locate word associations and create new threads. Oh and by the way, there’s no law that says once you start a thread you have to stay on it until the cows come home. Feel free to talk about whichever threads you are actually interested in.

Just as important as having topics to talk about is how you talk about these topics.

Important notes: When you say sentences try and include 2-3 topics so that the girl your talking to can jump onto a topic easily. I call this feeding the birds (haha).

A good way to practice conversation threading in the beginning is through instant messaging.

You have more time to think but it’s still “real time” in a way.

***Use statements more than questions*** 

Most men have it all mixed up. Many have never really learned how to have real conversations with women. What do they do wrong?

They don’t lead conversations through skilled statements; they just ask a lot of bad questions. And asking bad questions puts the responsibility and control of the conversation in the hands of the woman…who usually don’t take it very far.

The result is a boring and uninspiring conversation. But here’s the real kicker. The woman will almost always blame it on you. “Oh he couldn’t even keep up a conversation. Blah blah blah.”

Start changing your perspective about “getting to know somebody”. Most of the time men think getting to know someone is about asking questions like “Where do you live”, “What do you do”…no bueno [no good].

We’ll talk about asking skilled questions in a second but first to address: use statements more than questions.

Use statements that compel a response.

Do this by leaving pebbles (topics) and going deeper into your answers; answer on an emotional level, express with passion.

Have real substance to share. Not just facts you can get off a Facebook page.

Ex. Suppose a girl asks you: What’s your favorite chocolate? Instead of simply saying: dark chocolate. You could say something like. Dark chocolate. This one time, I went to Max Brenner’s Chocolate Restaurant in the city…[insert good story here].

Get it? Let’s move on.

There are ways to ask questions that are very skillful. You want to ask questions that relate to the human experience; questions that makes her think about how she feels, thinks or perceives a subject matter.

Getting a woman to share her feelings, emotions and perception of the world will create a connection between you two. Getting a women to share how she thinks about herself is also a good thing.

Ex.

Girl: I went parasailing last summer in Cancun.

You: Wow, that’s must have felt awesome. How’d it feel like being up there? What was going through your mind?

The objective here is to get the woman to reveal some of her inner perspectives and mental processes.

You want to avoid asking disconnected questions that can be answered with a yes or no or just a simple fact. Ex. What’s your favorite color? Red. Do you like to swim? Yes.

There’s obvious a time to ask these questions but in general don’t do it in the beginning before she thinks she’s on some CNN interview.

Final Points

-Don’t seem like you’re trying so hard. Silences are ALRIGHT! It’s just important to have comfortable silences.

Comfortable silence begins with you. If you’re at ease, they will feel compelled to be at ease. If you are looking away, fidgeting, not smiling then there will be an awkward silence.

Comfortable silences usually come after a great conversation. For example, you and the woman just shared a laugh and a story together. At this time, you can just look at her in the eyes and smile softly.

Guys this is one place where a strong connection is made!!!

Good conversation + looking into her eyes and smiling softly.

-Don’t mistake teasing with insulting. Many people in the pickup community suggest using negs a.k.a. negative compliments. This is ok if used correctly but for the most part I feel that guys just end up insulting the women.

This is no good. Don’t go making fun of a girl blatantly. You think it’s teasing/flirting but she will think you’re a little kid. We’re not in 1^st grade anymore.

She’ll know you’re hitting on her…and doing it really badly at that.

How To Keep A Conversation Going With A Girl – Conclusion